Shellye's Blog

The Bio’s: Finding Family in Our Fifties

So what does a man in Austin, Texas; a woman in Waco, Texas and myself in Fort Worth, Texas; all who have never heard of each other and never met each other have in common? A biological father. Brought together by God and in Gods timing. This is our story.

Bill, grew up in Austin and his mom and dad divorced when he was young. Bill’s dad remarried a couple of more times and he has a half brother from each marriage. His dad did end up marrying a woman that changed his life and they spent many happy years together before he passed away in 2012. Bill says he was the hyper kid growing up. Bill married Michelle and they have three children. He and his wife will celebrate 30 years of marriage in July. Bill having been told he might be part Native American began a quest to find out his genetic makeup by doing different DNA test. Unfortunately Bill has no Native American in him and is mostly Northern European. Two of the genetic test Bill took were Ancestry DNA and 23 & Me Ancestry.

Deanna, grew up in the Austin/Belton area and her mom and dad divorced when she was two. Deanna never really had much of a relationship with her father and tried to be a part of his families life but they wouldn’t accept her. They told her she was someones else’s child, a Mexican’s baby because her skin and hair was darker than theirs. Deanna’s relationship with her mom has been rough at times. Her mom remarried several times and Deanna has a sister and a brother. Deanna describes herself as a nerd growing up and always had her nose in a book. She has three sons, just remarried and now has 9 grandchildren. She, began her genetic quest out of curiosity. Where does she get the darker olive skin tone and dark hair? Deanna also took the Ancestry DNA and 23 & Me Ancestry and Health.

I grew up in Hurst a suburb of Fort Worth. I was adopted at birth by my mom, dad and two older brothers. I’ve known since I was four about the adoption and throughout the years had the normal curiosities but my parents gave me such a good life that I never felt the need to find my birth parents. I was the sneaky, mischievous kid growing up and rarely got caught for my actions. My sincerest apologies to those whom to this day are still blamed for what I did. I married my high school sweetheart and together we have two daughters. This July we will celebrate 29 years of marriage. I began my genetic quest when our youngest daughter Brook passed away. I did the 23 & Me Ancestry and Health and Ancestry DNA.

Now that you have some background information on us, let me share with you how this 23 & Me and Ancestry DNA works. Once you complete the kit and get your results you are in the database. You start getting notifications of possible relative matches such as you are predicted to be a fourth cousin, you are predicted to be a first cousin or you are predicted to be a half sibling. It is then up to you to contact the person, share your information or whatever you want to do and hope that person wants to do the same. Here is how our discovery unfolded.

Back in December of 2016 I received a message from Bill letting me know that he saw my name in Ancestry DNA as being a close family member or first cousin and wanted to know how we might be related. I shared with Bill that I was adopted, knew nothing of my biological parents and didn’t know how we were related. In April of 2017 I sent Bill a message to see if he had any more information and asked about a few names that my mother in law had found when she was researching on the Ancestry website. I also asked Bill if he knew about any genetic blood disorders in his family since I had just been diagnosed with Factor Five Leiden. He knew one of the names but did not know of any blood disorders. A hobby that my mother in law enjoys is researching family and building family trees. So for these past couple of years my mother in law would research names and start building a family tree in hopes of putting pieces together. She even reached out to Bill and another relative in California a few times and they were able to give her bits of information that helped her to continue putting pieces of the puzzle together. October 2019 Bill sends me a message letting me know that he has been studying and thinks he found how we may be linked and if he is right we may be half siblings. I don’t know if I should be happy, scared, excited, anxious or what. This message comes at 9:53pm on Oct. 16 a day that is already full of emotion for me because this is the day that Brook passed away. I’m trying to wind down and go to sleep since I have to go to work in the morning but all I can think is how Brook has brought people together through her death and I think she is doing it again!

The next day, Oct. 17, I called Bill that evening and we talked for a bit. I honestly don’t remember what we really talked about. It was surreal. I think he told me a little bit about his dad who I now know to be my biological father and we shared the other normal first time getting to know someone type things. Bill shared that we possibly have a half sister that he has reached out to but hasn’t heard back from. I think for Bill he was just trying to take in the fact that he was talking to a sister. For me, I was just trying to breathe and process that I was actually talking to someone I was blood related to. I mean I am fifty years old and never spoken to anyone blood related to myself other than my daughters. Kevan couldn’t wait to hear about my conversation with Bill. I told him all about it but I told him I now understood those stories you see on t.v. The moment I heard Bill’s voice “Hey Sis”, something awoke in the depths of me that I had never felt and never knew was there. It is strong and powerful. It’s a desire to know this person to make this connection. Bill and I talk or text every day and sometimes both. Bill is a Godly man with the spiritual gift of prayer. In one of our first conversations he asked what my family thought about me finding out who my biological father is, having a half brother and all. I explained that I wanted so badly to tell them but with my dad’s health it just wasn’t the right time. He understood and in our conversations he would ask about my dad, ask about my mom and let me know he was praying for my family. In fact one of the first things we shared with each other was how important our faith was to each other.

Bill and I have found each other and connected but there is this possible half sister that Bill has reached out to but has not gotten a response yet. I told Bill I would try and reach out to her and so I sent her a message through Ancestry. A week goes by and crickets. I send another message as well as a message to one of her sons who is in Ancestry. Bill and I continue to pray over her and another week passes. Crickets! During these couple of weeks I have my mother in law helping Bill and I try to find her. I’m thinking if we can find her on Facebook I can send her a message on messenger. Well if you know me and my curiosity, you know I want to see what she looks like and yes, stalk her to see what I can learn. One night while watching t.v. with Kevan my mother in law text me with a couple of names for me to try. Long story made short I search the name of a possible son on Facebook. Searching his friends I find her, Deanna. I click on her and yes I stalked her and found the clue I needed. There was a post she made about getting her Ancestry DNA results. This was the one we were looking for. We did it. I told Bill I was going to send her a message on messenger. November 9th message sent and the wait begins. Finally on November 21st I got a response. I told Bill and he reached out one more time clearly explaining his reason for doing the ancestry search and his research on the data. Deanna reached out to Bill on November 23 and after a long conversation realized she had a biological father that she never knew about, a half brother and a half sister that couldn’t wait to have her be in their lives.

On the evening of Nov. 23 I reached out to Deanna with a phone call. Much like my first conversation with Bill I can’t remember much that we talked about. Deanna shared the conversation she had with Bill and how as he explained everything it just made more and more sense. Again, just like with Bill, Deanna and I shared the normal getting to know someone conversations. I think for Deanna she was simply processing that what she had been told/believed for so many years was not correct and now she has a half brother, half sister, a biological father and a ton of questions. For me, I was once again wrapping my mind around the fact that I am talking to someone that I am blood related to and another first for me in my 50 years, I have a sister! Also, just like with Bill, the moment I heard Deanna’s voice something awoke inside me. This connection was just as strong and powerful. There is this need to know this person, to spend time with this person and build a relationship.

November 23 also marks the day that Bill, Deanna and I began talking and texting or both every day. It usually starts with good morning. Lol, Bill and I around 6:00 and Deanna closer to 8:00. We are so curious about each other that we will ask questions such as favorite genre of music, favorite Christmas movie, send a picture of self from the 80’s and other fun things. We quickly began to feel as if we have known each other forever.

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November 29, Bill text Deanna and myself to see what we are doing. Before long we are having a conference call and within probably 15 minutes we are talking about meeting for lunch in Waco and going to Deanna’s house the next day. Wow, this was really going to happen. I was so excited I almost jumped out of my shoes at Wal Mart. That evening plans were confirmed and it was happening. The next morning as I was getting ready I texted a friend to tell her what we were doing. She asked how she could pray for me. I said pray that they like me. We got to the restaurant in Waco and as Kevan was looking for a parking space I saw a lady walking up to the restaurant. I said “that’s her, that’s Deanna”. Kevan was like how do you know and I said I just know. She was standing out front when I approached and she knew who I was when she saw me. We hugged and went on inside. After we introduced our spouses she said she had told a friend that morning that she was going to meet her half siblings. She told her friend “I hope they like me”. This is just one of several things we have said exactly the same but hundreds of miles apart. Shortly after we had been seated at a table Bill and his wife arrived. We knew who he was the moment we saw him walk in the door.

After lunch we went back to Deanna’s house. Bill had brought lots of pictures, writings and drawings of his dad’s, our biological father to share with Deanna and myself so that we could learn about him and feel like we knew him. Bill was so transparent in all that he shared. He shared the good and the bad. My biological father was an actor in several movies including Lonesome Dove. He served in the war, was a fireman along with several other occupations. Deanna and I got to read some of his personal thoughts and ideas that he had written down. Bill even had some drawings that his dad had done with little rhymes with the hopes of maybe making a book. Bill was so gracious that he even let us pick some pictures of our biological father to keep. Deanna invited us to her wedding that would take place in a couple of weeks. After sitting around the table for a couple of hours sharing stories, laughing and getting to know each other we decided it was time to go home. We took some pictures and Bill prayed over us before we left. On the way home Kevan said he had never seen me so quiet. Kevan also said it was neat to watch Bill, Deanna and myself sit and talk so naturally as if we had known each other forever and not have just met for the first time.

At the beginning of this post I stated that we were brought together by God and in God’s timing. We all three agree on this. The week before Deanna saw my message on messenger she was in tears to her fiance Mike because she felt like no one in her family wanted to be a part of her life. It breaks my heart to think about how painful that must have felt and tears that she cried. The next week Bill, Deanna and myself connect and she is able to tell Mike with happy tears that she thinks she has family that want to know her and want to be in her life. In this same two week time span my dad’s health is quickly deteriorating and we know that we have just days left with him. I go to work each day, leave right after my students are gone so that I can go spend a couple of hours with my dad before going home. I will be completely transparent in saying that situations like this tend to heighten my anxiety/depression that was brought on after Brook’s death. Connecting daily with Bill and Deanna gave me something to look forward to, something to be excited about. I also asked on a daily basis during this two week span to God in my quiet time, why now, why with everything that is going on, why? Then one morning I felt him saying to me “why does it matter? Why should you worry about my timing and when I do things. Instead of asking why, perhaps you should just let go, enjoy this blessing and trust me take care of the details. Let me carry out my plan in my time”.

Several days are meeting in Waco, Deanna asked Bill to officiate the wedding. Bill was not ordained at the time and would need to go online and become an ordained minister. I told Bill in a conversation we had to stop and just let this all sink in. Our sister felt such a connection in just texting/talking for a couple of weeks and meeting one time for several hours that she would ask him to officiate her wedding and invite me to attend. Bill and his wife Michelle, Kevan and I all went to the wedding. It was a beautiful day for a small wedding in the country, lunch with family, watching kids run around and play and everyone having a good time. We got to meet Mike’s family and we got to be their for our sister as well as meet one of her sons and his family. This is a picture of us on Deanna’s wedding day.

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