Shellye's Blog

Unpredictable Ending

Today is the day. I never thought it would end like this. No hugs, no high fives and for a very few just a wave with “way to go” or “you did it” as their parent drove past the front of the school. Wow, today is the day, the last day of the 2019 – 2020 school year.

This school year had some challenges to say the least. Progress be it academic or social came slowly for my class. By about Thanksgiving we got to where we were rolling full steam ahead and that progress began to emerge. We continued to roll and as we rolled into Christmas break I was very excited about the progress my students were making academically but even more excited about the progress we were making with our social/emotional growth.

Teaching five and six year old students to use their words, how to speak to someone and resolve conflict is not easy. It takes lots of modeling and lots of roll play. These days not all students come with these skills. It is up to the schools to teach it. This is the social/emotional growth that I am talking about. As my class left for Christmas break they were finally without prompting for most using their words, resolving conflict with a classmate and showing compassion through hugs or a pat on the back. I remember leaving for Christmas break hoping they would remember these skills when we come back in January.

If you are a teacher or an educator in some capacity than you know how fast the spring semester flies by. My class came back in January and we hit the ground running. We rolled through regressions academically and socially, days where I swear aliens had invaded my classroom, days of celebrating accomplishments and as spring break arrived we were all ready for some down time.

For me there wasn’t any down time planned. I had a retreat, a trip to D.C. and a family gathering to attend. I was excited about all the fun I was going to have but also dreading how tired I was going to be going back to school. So I have to admit when I found out we were going to be out of school an additional week I was happy. I could relax and get some rest so that I would be ready to hit the ground running. Educators know that at this point in the year, blink and it’s summer.

I think when they closed school for two more weeks is when I first began realizing we probably wouldn’t go back this school year. Would this really happen? As we would get close to the end of those two weeks an announcement stating schools would be closed till May was made. At this point I was certain we weren’t going back this school year. This is when it really hit me and became real. Talking with my home group via Zoom someone asked me about school and for the first time I cried. I allowed myself to finally process the reality of it all. I missed being in the classroom, I miss those pudgy little hands, I miss the smiles, the hugs and the funny things they say.

I had several Zoom meetings with my class and with less than a third attending it was fun but not the same. Nothing can replace being present in the classroom. My five and six year old students need to be in the classroom. They need to be with their teacher. I don’t even want to think about what happened to all the progress that was made up till spring break. I can’t imagine what next year is going to be like.

We have to end this school year in order to prepare for next year. That is what we did today. We ended the school year. No awards ceremony. Instead, we had a dozen or so parents drive their child by the front of the school where teachers and staff waved and cheered. I’m grateful we got to do this and grateful that some got to participate. It was interesting to see some smiling, some waving and a few with just a blank stare. Oh I wanted to hug them so badly. This is not the ending of a school year that they should have or that we should have. My memory books for the students only cover the fall semester, I found a cute kindergarten certificate and printed them and all this will be in an envelope for the parents to come pick up.

So yes an unpredictable ending but rather than focus on what we didn’t get to do or didn’t get to have I am reminded to give thanks for what we did get to do and what we did get to have. I have to believe that in the time that I did have with them from August to March that God used me in ways that only He may know, to be what even one student needed. That is what I take from this unpredictable and unimaginable school year. May God be pleased in what was accomplished and over the next several months prepare me for a new year with new little friends.